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Last week an 18-year-old boy named James Dungy ended his own life. This would not be news except that James was Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy’s son, one of five children. The funeral was held two days after Christmas.

There are two things I would like to discuss. One is the media coverage of this tragedy and two is the unknowns of suicide.

Much of the news coverage has been sensitive to Coach Dungy and his family. However, a couple of articles have been inappropriately speculative. In an article titled ‘It’s too early to tell how Dungy’s ‘holding up,” San Diego Union-Tribune columnist Tim Sullivan writes a flimsy, hastily written piece which includes the following:

Just last year, Dungy, now 50, said he was not sure how much longer he would continue to coach because of the price the profession had exacted on his family. He said he had missed too much of James’ life, and that "I don’t want the same thing to happen with my other children."

How eerie those words sound now. James Dungy was 18 years old.

"If you’re not there, it’s not good," said Dr. Scott Shepherd, author of the grief guidebook, "Choosing The Gift." "(Dungy) knew it. That’s why he struggled with it. The kids need you, not your money."

The rest of the article guesses, with the help of experts, how Coach Dungy will cope with the loss of his son and whether he will return to the almost undefeated Indianapolis Colts. The last sentence following the hypothesis as to whether or not he will return is:

Yesterday, Tony Dungy was a pillar. But his every tomorrow will be a trial.

The problem with the sentence is it says very little but could have many meanings. One might think this is good writing, but I think it’s in poorly written and quite insensitive. How does pillar relate to the word trial? Is he no longer a pillar because his son committed suicide. Will his every tomorrow be a trial because he will suffer from the grief of the loss of his son or because it is to be seen whether or not he can still coach. Either way, the two sentences do not connect and in some ways are the perfect ending to a D- article.

Mark Alesia, a reporter with the Indianapolis Star News attempts to depict James as ‘both full of faith and deeply troubled’ in his Dec. 23 article. Mr. Alesia does an impressive job interviewing neighbors and providing insight to James Myspace web site which, I saw it, has a lot of references to rappers who talk about killing people and marijuana usage. It also shows him with a bandana covering his face with the words, ‘F… the Police" next to him. Alesia’s sources also told him that James would become negative.

The article also shows the other side of James, thoughtful and spiritual. What the reporter doesn’t do is address the complexity of this young man or any young person. If I thought every student of mine was suicidal who had grossly inappropriate postings on their myspace and was negative once in a while, I would leave teaching and open a pediatric mental institution.

In many of the articles there are so many inappropriate accusations. It was because the coach didn’t spend enough time with his family. Had the parents paid more attention to his myspace they would have known he was troubled. They knew he was troubled. There is every indication of that. Are there warning signs to suicide? Yes. But this blame game that is being played on the internet and in newspapers reminds me the callers into WGN playing Monday morning quarterback. Could they throw a touchdown or intercept the ball for their lives? No, but they have plenty to say about the people who do.

It is simply unfair to put Coach Dungy on trial for his son’s death. According to Webmd.com suicide is "the third leading cause of death" for people ages 15 to 24. Yes, there are warning signs, and they should all be taken seriously by family members. But to imply that Coach Dungy had anything to do with his son’s death or was at fault for it is at the very least speculative and at the most totally erroneous. True, he had attempted suicide a few months earlier. But the attempt was followed by he himself calling police and asking to have his stomach pumped. We don’t know what happened after that suicide attempt. Did his parents get him psychological treatment? We simply do not know.

Almost two years ago a friend from high school committed suicide. He was our class’ salutatorian. He earned his PhD in nuclear engineering. He and I were in many of the same classes and hung out with the same people. We fought over Tess of the d’Urbervilles. He hated the book. I loved it. The last time I saw him a bunch of us had dinner at Don Pablos’, a crappy chain Mexican restaurant.   
He came from a nice family. He seemingly had it all. Who was to blame for his death? No one knows. Why did he do it? There’s no answer. All that remains is his great loss.

That same loss is being felt by the Dungy family. The greatest service the media could do would be to educate the public on the warning signs of suicide and help destigmatize mental illness. Also, everyone should be helping or mentoring a young person either formally or informally. With every passing year there are more pressures on teenagers from being perfect physically, intellectually and sexually to fitting in through gang membership and even pregnancy.

Read about it on myspace.

Links to articles references in this blog:

Learn more about the warning signs of suicide on Webmd.com
http://www.webmd.com/hw/mental_health/hw111106.asp

James Dungy was both full of faith and deeply troubled
http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051223/SPORTS03/512230497

It’s too early to tell how Dungy’s ‘holding up’
http://www.signonsandiego.com/sports/sullivan/20051228-9999-1s28sullivan.html

James Dungy Was Calm In October Call To Police
http://news.tbo.com/news/MGBZG676SHE.html

Hundreds pay respect at James Dungy’s funeral in Tampa
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/sfl-1227dungy,1,1307418.story?coll=chi-news-hed

Big Brothers Big Sisters of America
http://www.bbbsa.org/site/pp.asp?c=iuJ3JgO2F&b=14576

Volunteer at one of the Chicago Public Schools
http://volunteers.cps.k12.il.us/

Tutor/Mentor Connection
http://www.tutormentorexchange.net/Index.htm

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m with my friends Gabi, Dan and Zach in Marin County, California. My friend Gabi has a bad cough and I suggested that we make chicken soup. I’ve made it before, but I improvised a little too much. Until I was 14 years old, I would eat my Bubbie’s chicken soup at least once a week. After the first taste everyone would say, "Good soup, Bub"& On December 24 I find myself nostalgic for my grandparents. Every winter vacation we would make the 23-hour trip to Hollywood, Florida. The journey would begin with a trip to the Donut Shop. We would eat our other meals at the Waffle House or other southern eateries. Once we arrived in Florida, we ate at only two different restaurants for the entire two weeks. When I was little, I thought Southern Florida only had two restaurants, both with pickles on the table. Below is my Bubbie’s chicken soup recipe in an im chat between my dad and me. You may notice there are no exact quantities, there is no need to measure or quantify the ingredients. You just need to make it with a lot of love.

Abe Marcus says: Good blog

sharna : thanks dad

sharna: dad do you have bubbie’s chicken soup recipe on you?

Abe Marcus says: Mom really liked it. The kids are going swimming now.

sharna: dad do you have bubbie’s chicken soup recipe on you?

Abe Marcus says: no, I can approximate it.

Abe Marcus says: who wants it?

sharna: gabi is very sick and i wanted to make it for her

Abe Marcus says: Take a large pot and fill the bottom with chicken pieces or halves, skin and all.

Abe Marcus says: Cover the chicken with water, but just cover not too much water

sharna: ok

Abe Marcus says: bring to a boil and skim until no more scum accumulates on the top.

sharna: before you add the veggies?

Abe Marcus says: yes

Abe Marcus says: after removing the scum turn the temperature down to medium - low and add vegtables, 2 boulion cubes, and seasoning salt. Vegtables should include one onion, parsnips, carrots, celery and dill.

sharna: ok

sharna: now, didn’t bubbie use beef

Abe Marcus says: do not add any water. the boulion can be beef or you can add some beef to the chicken before the veggies.

sharna says: ok

sharna: what kind of beef?

Abe Marcus says: chuck

Abe Marcus says: you have to skim it also so put in with chicken

sharna says: ok

Abe Marcus says: good luck

sharna: gracias

Abe Marcus says: let me know how you make out

sharna: ok

sharna: i will

Abe Marcus says: be sure to use a low flame and cover the pot

sharna: ok

Abe Marcus says: after it starts to cook you can crack the lid.

Abe Marcus says: do you know what to do after its done?

sharna: no

Abe Marcus says: take out the veggies (I forgot parsley), save the carrots, celery, and parsnips in a bowl

Abe Marcus says: drain all the liquid into another bowl and put in refrigerator.

sharna : ok

Abe Marcus says: Wash off the chicken and beef, removing the skin from the chicken and put into a large pot or even the same pot if you rinse it out

sharna: why do you seperate it?

Abe Marcus says: about a half hour later remove the liquid from the fridge and skim off the fat. that’s why you separate it.

sharna : that’s a lot of work

Abe Marcus says: If you don’t care about the fat just remove the skin and add back the carrots, celery and parsnips

sharna: ok

Abe Marcus says: if you want to make matza balls just follow the instructions and make in the soup

sharna says: ok

Abe Marcus says: good luck, you’ll love it and Bubbie will be watching over you

sharna says: nice

Abe Marcus says: bye, am going to watch kids swim

sharna: bye!

Enjoy the soup. One thing I learned. The first day after you put it in the fridge it looks like a jello mold. I got a little freaked out by it. But after heating it up it tasted better than the first day!

This blog has been brought to you by Channel 5 news. Today’s breaking story is the December Dilemma. With Christmas and Hanukkah falling on the same day, Jews and Christians who are in relationships or married are in a quandary: which holiday to celebrate and with whom?

(Camera 1 to the most stereotypical looking Jewish person in the room)

"Uh, it’s not that big of a deal." 

(Camera 2 to blond haired blue eyed person)

"Uh, it’s not that big of a deal."

The enormity of the crisis is felt throughout Christian and Jewish communities, so we asked interfaith relationship expert Sharna Marcus her advice to couples struggling this December 25.

"Sharna, what do you tell your clients?"

"Um, celebrate Christmas, light some candles and then celebrate Hanukkah the other seven days?"

Genius! For more information on the December Dilemma, watch our hour long special on Saturday night entitled, "Tree or Dreidel: you decide." And for more information go to our web site http://howcanyoupossiblycallthiscrapnews.com

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I think I figured out why judges wear robes. Because the robes are like superhero outfits, and this past week a few federal judges made decisions that have saved this country from ruin and peril.

Thank you to U.S. District Judge John E. Jones III who ruled that intelligent design, and I’m summarizing here, is bogus. The case originated in Dover, Pennsylvania where the makers of the policy to teach intelligent design in the public schools all lost their school board elections after issuing the following statement: "Intelligent Design is an explanation of the origin of life that differs from Darwin’s view. The reference book, Of Pandas and People, is available for students who might be interested in gaining an understanding of what Intelligent Design actually involves." (The Original Statement by the Dover School Board)

This little statement devalued science as the best means for understanding how the world works. It’s hard to believe that science beat religion 400 years ago and we’re still arguing the merits of experiment and observation vs. myth and faith. And for people who claim Intelligent Design is science, Judge Jones, (a Bush appointee!) makes it clear that it is not science because ID has a supernatural basis, "employs the same flawed and illogical contrived dualism that doomed creation science in the 1980s" and "ids negative attacks on evolution have been refuted in the scientific community." (Decision 64)

The rest of Judge Jones’ decision scolds the members of the school board and makes it clear that, as I heard in an NPR piece a few months back, Intelligent Design is creationism dressed in a cheap tuxedo.

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Although he did not declare a judgment in this matter, Judge James Robertson voiced his opinion loud and clear by resigning "from a special court that has authority over approving electronic surveillance and searches of terrorism suspects" the Washington Post reported on Wednesday. Sources told the Post that the National Security Agency had wiretapped hundreds of private citizens without warrants from the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court.

Judge Robertson’s resignation and the Post story have created much needed awareness that 2005 is looking too much like 1984 and the agencies of the Executive Branch need to reread the US Constitution. I mean, spying on Quakers? Seriously.   

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Three more courageous judges whose names you’ll never know but who have protected our bill of rights are Judges Luttig, Michael and Traxler. The Federal Court judges refused the government’s petition to transfer Jose Padilla, once known as the dirty bomber now accused of doing something or other - just trust us, from military court to civilian court. Their rationale was that while the Supreme Court is considering whether or not Padilla should be held as an enemy combatant, it would "compound what is, in the absence of explanation, at least an appearance that the government may be attempting to avoid consideration of our decision by the Supreme Court." (Decision 2)

This 4th Circuit Court is known for its conservative judgments and still rebuked the administration for its handling of the Padilla case.

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Look, is Jose Padilla a bad guy? Maybe. Is intelligent design going to make kids not want to be doctors? Probably not. Is President Bush listening to your conversations? Unlikely. However, government is based upon principles and ideals. To allow our government to disregard the philosophies that this country was based upon means the beginning of the end for the United States. Montesquieu and the Founding Fathers knew what they were doing when they were talking about the balance of powers.  This Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa drink some eggnog/spin the dreydel in honor of the federal judiciary. 

Turn on the cable news networks and find that their emphasis is not on the War in Iraq, but on the Christmas vs. Holiday Tree debate. In fact, House Speaker Dennis Hastert sent a letter to the Capitol Architect asking that the Capitol evergreen titled Holiday Tree since the 1990s, be given back its original name Christmas Tree. It reminds me of a divorced woman taking back her maiden name after a really, really bad marriage. Only this divorce is one from political correctness. Remember when PC meant saying things like, Ms. Instead of Miss, not telling dirty jokes in the office, and using terms like African American, etc. Remember Anita Hill? It means having a Christmas tree, menorah and Kwanza symbol up at the mall. Now PC is only used in the context of personal computers.

Holiday tree. Christmas tree. Look I don’t care what you call it. But as a Jewish American don’t make me revere it. For me, and for everyone else who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, it’s not an American symbol; it’s a Christian symbol. And that’s great. The majority of Americans are Christian. Their religious symbols should be proudly displayed. But it doesn’t make me un-American not to admire a tree that means nothing to me.

I have gotten in so many arguments with friends about celebrating Christmas. Look, I like Christmas lights. I like It’s a Wonderful Life. I could make my own CD of Christmas music. And I love Christmas cards from friends and the Christmas letters where I am  updated on friends’ lives. But the essence of Christmas is Jesus Christ. Jesus is not my deity or a triangular portion of it.  So why would I celebrate Christmas? If I don’t believe in saints, why would I have stocking hanging from Saint Nicolas’ foot?

A common argument I hear is that Christmas is basically a secular holiday. Huh? I don’t understand. The conservatives want the tree to be named a Christmas tree for secular reasons? Why would they care what it was called if it wasn’t a religious symbol? If it’s about patriotism then why don’t we name it an American Tree, or a War on Terror Tree?

Do I get annoyed or aggravated when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas at Target? No, I don’t care. I even say Merry Christmas back just because it’s the polite thing to do.  But it’s not my holiday. How do I mark it? Typically by being cold. It’s very cold on Christmas day in Chicago. So I drink hot chocolate and eat Chinese food. Mmm.. Chinese food.

So put up your Christmas tree. Call it what you like. If you need help decorating it, I’d help you just to be nice, but I’m short so I can’t reach much. And then you can help me light my menorah. But there’s a difference between being neighborly and being subjugated by a religious custom. If you are Catholic or Christian and live in the most Jewish neighborhood in America, I won’t make you spin my dreydle, if you don’t make me admire your Christmas tree. 

And seriously, isn’t there a war going on in the Middle East or something? Why is this important? Look, conservatives, you are winning the culture wars. Congratulations. Clarence Thomas serves on the Supreme Court. The crusades are being fought in Iraq. And there are Christmas trees at the center of every major and minor city in America.

Ok, now can we move on to something important? This might be an easy issue to rile up the electorate, but I’m hoping they will be able to see through it. Congressman Hastert, there is a war you sanctioned that is not going very well. There are men and women in Iraq that will not be with their families this Christmas. There are many, many families that can’t celebrate Christmas this year because their son or daughter died in combat, and what’s to celebrate?

This time of year must be so awful for the parents, wives, siblings, friends of people who died in Iraq. If I’m aggravated watching the tree debate on television, I can’t imagine how they must feel. Perhaps the energy being spent on this frivolous issue could be allocated to figure out a way to exit Iraq without plum pudding on our faces.

Links:

Hastert: Call ‘Holiday Tree’ a Christmas Tree

O Holiday Tree?

Three victories for Christmas traditionalists